“You’ll say ‘WOW’ everytime”

So recently I fell prey into the magical
world of infomercials, specifically
ShamWow. To my amazement, I figured
– wow this would really help a lot at
home! So I ordered and waited a few
days with anticipation… and today
it has finally arrived!

Upon opening the package I was filled
with excitement and eagerness to
to try this magnificent new invention
that’s made from Germany. So I got
a soup bowl and filled it water right to
the brim. Carefully… I placed my
newly found love into the bowl as it
remarkable soaks the water right
before my eyes… well, not so much!

My first reaction was “huh…” it
absorbed all 10% of the water in the
bowl. I’m thinking maybe it’s like
exercise, it needs to warm up a bit.
With false hope I moved on and
tried it for the second time. :::dip:::
And my reaction — complete utter
disappointment, sadness, acceptance,
and then “MOTHER F*KING PIECE OF
SH*TTING TURD SH*T!!!!” I believe this
is the first time I’ve ever experienced
the whole gamut of emotions within 5
minutes since opening the packaged.
I am better off using a cheap generic
2 ply brand of tissue paper! The piece
of sh*t is as absorbent as a leaf being
used to wipe your ass!

The infomercial got two things right,
you WILL say “WOW” every time-
knowing you got a f*kin bright yellow
piece of ass turd taking up space
in your house! Secondly, the name
say’s it all.